The Sound That Defined Me
For years, I lived in the rhythm of live music. Not just any music, but the kind of improvised, free-flowing, in-the-moment performances. The Grateful Dead, Dick’s Picks, rare bootlegs of unforgettable concerts—I sought out the moments where something spontaneous and unscripted happened on stage, where the music felt alive, unplanned, and deeply immersive.
I wasn’t just a casual listener. I gave myself to it. Hours spent chasing the rarest performances, dissecting every version of a song, reliving the highs and the energy of each setlist. It was more than just entertainment—it felt like a spiritual connection.
But in time, I began to recognize a pattern that disturbed me—a hunger that was never satisfied, a longing that was never fulfilled. The thrill was real, but it was temporary. It could never stay, never build into something lasting.
“All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the streams flow, there they flow again.” – Ecclesiastes 1:7
No matter how many rare recordings I found, how many hours I spent immersing myself in the next great performance, it was never enough. It always left me needing more—more songs, more discoveries, more moments that could somehow recreate the feeling of the last.
I had become like those spoken of in Isaiah, people who labor for things that cannot satisfy, mistaking momentary pleasure for something lasting:
“Why do you spend money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to Me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food.” – Isaiah 55:2
I was chasing a sound, but it was not the Bread of Life. I was consuming something beautiful, but it never nourished me. Every concert, every song, every moment was like water slipping through my fingers—real for an instant, then gone.
And yet, I kept chasing. Because I didn’t yet know that what I was looking for wasn’t in the music at all.
A New Sound
One moment, I thought I understood music—its purpose, its depth, its highest form. Then next, I saw something so much greater that it made everything else feel hollow by comparison.
That moment came when I saw a live worship recording from Bethel Music and Jesus Culture. At first, it wasn’t even the sound that struck me—it was the presence inside of it.
I had seen musicians lose themselves in music before, but this was different. They weren’t just lost in a song—they were lost in God Himself. It wasn’t about skill or spontaneity or the perfect unrepeatable moment. It was about Him.
“For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light do we see light.” – Psalm 36:9
I didn’t just hear music that day—I saw light. True reality. The music I once revered had been a reflection, a shadow of something deeper, but now I was standing in the real thing. Just as the Psalmist wrote, it’s only in God’s light that we finally see what is true.
And just like that, I knew—this is what I’ve been looking for all along.
The prophets speak of moments like this—when human understanding is shattered, and God reveals something infinitely greater.
“Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them.” – Isaiah 42:9
It was as if God was declaring something new in my life, revealing what I had unknowingly been longing for all along. What I thought was the highest form of music was just a former thing, a chapter that had to end so that something greater could be revealed.
True Intimacy Made Public
I later learned that Kim Walker-Smith wrote in her book that she had been hesitant about making these moments public. She understood what it meant to put true intimacy with God on display—to let people witness the raw, unfiltered moments of complete surrender. It was embarrassing, vulnerable, deeply personal.
And yet, they released it, and it changed lives. It changed mine.
This kind of vulnerability in worship isn’t just a modern thing—Scripture shows that true encounters with God have always been raw, unfiltered, and even humiliating by human standards.
“I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes.” – 2 Samuel 6:21-22
This is King David speaking after he danced before the Lord with reckless abandon, completely unashamed. When others mocked him, he didn’t care—because his worship wasn’t for them. It was for God alone.
That’s exactly what I saw in these live worship moments—people who weren’t performing, weren’t holding back, weren’t concerned with how it looked. They had entered into something so much deeper than music—they were standing before God Himself, and everything else faded.
That kind of worship will always change lives—because it’s not about music. It’s about presence.
Shadow vs. Real
I wasn’t easing into something new—I had just been wrecked by something real.
In an instant, I saw how small my view of music had been. What I had thought was the deepest connection to something greater was, in reality, just a shadow of the real thing.
“They serve at a sanctuary that is a copy and shadow of what is in heaven.” – Hebrews 8:5
The entire Old Covenant system—the sacrifices, the temple, the rituals—was just a shadow of something greater. It was real, but it wasn’t the full reality. The true, eternal worship was in heaven.
And just like that, I understood.
What I had once thought was the highest form of musical expression was just a copy, a shadow of something deeper. It had echoes of transcendence, but it wasn’t the real thing. It pointed to something beyond itself—but once I found that reality, I could never go back.
A Revelation
“I had heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You.” – Job 42:5
This verse perfectly describes what happened.
Before, I had only heard of transcendence in music. I had only felt moments of something bigger than myself. But now, I had seen the real thing.
And from that moment forward, I could never listen the same way again.
Because once you’ve seen Him, nothing else compares.
People chase shadows until they encounter reality. People mistake hollow pursuits for something deep—until God opens their eyes to something greater.
And when He does? You can never go back.
Fleeting to Eternal
Escapism offers a moment of bliss—encounter offers a lifetime of transformation. The music I once obsessed over gave me highs that faded. Worship in God’s presence doesn’t fade—it marks you forever.
“My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water.” – Jeremiah 2:13
The world’s music, experiences, and pursuits promise fulfillment but hold nothing. They are broken cisterns—they look like they should satisfy, but they leak, crack, and leave you empty again.
In contrast, God’s presence is a fountain—not something you need to chase, not something that runs dry. When you drink from it, you are satisfied.
This is why the psalmist declares:
“You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” – Psalm 16:11
Everything else fades. Everything else runs out. But God’s presence is eternal fullness.
Fleeting vs. Eternity
Jam sessions chase a feeling—worship steps into eternity. The energy of a concert moment can make you feel like something special is happening, but worship in His presence is stepping into something that already exists forever.
“They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator, who is forever praised. Amen.” – Romans 1:25
This verse cuts straight to the core of what’s happening. People spend themselves chasing experiences that can never satisfy. Music, entertainment, every thrill—they all cost something, but they give nothing lasting.
But when you step into worship, you aren’t just stepping into a moment—you are stepping into eternity. Heaven’s worship never stops:
“Day and night they never cease to say, ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!’” – Revelation 4:8
Worship is not a feeling to capture—it is a reality that already exists. When we worship here on earth, we are joining something that has never ceased.
Vibes vs.Transformation
Improvised music creates a vibe—God’s presence transforms a life. No matter how skilled the musicians are, no matter how perfect the synergy between the band is, at the end of the day, it’s just music. But in true worship, the Spirit of God moves, and people walk away changed.
“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.” – Isaiah 40:8
Every experience, every concert, every “vibe” is just grass and flowers—it blooms for a moment, then dies. But the presence of God, the Word of God, the power of God—remains forever.
Jesus Himself laid out the difference between temporary highs and eternal transformation when He spoke to the woman at the well:
“Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” – John 4:13-14
This is the ultimate contrast.
One is a feeling that fades—the other is a well of transformation that keeps overflowing.
I Can Never Go Back
Once you’ve been in the presence of something truly real, you can never go back to the lesser things.
“My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast! I will sing and make melody!” – Psalm 57:7
I don’t miss the endless search for the next great performance, the next rare bootleg, the next jam session that might give me another moment of bliss. I don’t miss the emptiness that followed every peak experience.
“You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord.” – Jeremiah 29:13-14
Because now, my spirit burns with something far greater.
When I worship, I am not seeking a song—I am seeking Him. And He is there, every time. Not just in a good moment, not just in the right atmosphere, but always, because He is alive.
“Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You.” – Psalm 73:25
This is the fire that keeps me from ever returning to what once was: The knowledge that I have found what is real.
“His word was in my heart like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, and I could not.” – Jeremiah 20:9
Not just music that moves me, but a God who meets me. Not just a moment that makes me feel alive, but a presence that actually brings life.
Appendix of References
Job 42:5 – “I had heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You.”
Psalm 16:11 – “You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
Psalm 36:9 – “For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light do we see light.”
Psalm 57:7 – “My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast! I will sing and make melody!”
Psalm 73:25 – “Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You.”
Ecclesiastes 1:7 – “All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place where the streams flow, there they flow again.”
Isaiah 40:8 – “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.”
Isaiah 42:9 – “Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them.”
Isaiah 55:2 – “Why do you spend money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to Me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food.”
Jeremiah 2:13 – “My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water.”
Jeremiah 20:9 – “His word was in my heart like a burning fire shut up in my bones; I was weary of holding it back, and I could not.”
Jeremiah 29:13–14 – “You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord.”
2 Samuel 6:21–22 – “I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes.”
Romans 1:25 – “They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator, who is forever praised. Amen.”
Hebrews 8:5 – “They serve at a sanctuary that is a copy and shadow of what is in heaven.”
John 4:13–14 – “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again…”
Revelation 4:8 – “Day and night they never cease to say, ‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!’”
Other References
Kim Walker-Smith – Brave Surrender
She expressed her hesitancy in making intimate worship public, describing the vulnerability of letting others witness her surrender to God.
Bethel Music & Jesus Culture – Worship Recording
Live worship sessions referenced as pivotal moments of encountering God’s presence in music.
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