Our Hidden Resentments
I’ve been thinking a lot about temper tantrums—not just the kind toddlers throw in the middle of a grocery store, but the deeper, more complex kind we learn to suppress as we grow older.
As children, our emotions are raw, loud, and unapologetic. We scream, cry, stomp, and demand to be heard. But almost immediately, we’re taught that this isn’t acceptable behavior. We’re told to hold it in, quiet down, behave.
Over time, this suppression becomes second nature. Through childhood and into puberty, our temper—our natural response to frustration, anger, and injustice—becomes deeply recessed. Society conditions us to believe that expressing anger openly is immature, unacceptable, and something only a “whiny baby” does.
But here’s where it gets interesting: while we’re trained to bottle it up, we still experience anger. It doesn’t disappear; it just festers in silence.
I remember once seeing a kid lose it in the middle of a department store, and honestly, it was one of the most glorious displays of unfiltered rage I’ve ever witnessed. His mom had clearly reached her limit, her face frozen in that tight-lipped, publicly embarrassed but trying to look calm expression that every parent knows too well.
But this kid? He was a legend. He didn’t just cry—he collapsed. One second, he was standing; the next, he had gone full noodle mode, arms and legs refusing to cooperate with the laws of physics. His screams echoed through the aisles, a perfect combination of heartbreak and rebellion.
But here’s the part that cracked me up the most. At some point, in between the wails of “THIS ISN’T FAIR!” and the dramatic, Oscar-worthy body flop, he suddenly stopped, looked around, and realized he was in the sock section.
Completely out of nowhere, he grabbed a pack of cartoon character socks, wiped his tears with them, and whispered to his mom, “Fine. I’ll take these.” Like he had just negotiated a peace treaty with his own emotions.
And I thought to myself, “Man, I wish we could all throw a tantrum, wipe our tears with some socks, and just move on.” But instead, we bottle it up, slap on a smile, and pretend we’re totally fine. Meanwhile, that same rage and frustration don’t go away—it just learns to hide better.
The Adolescent Shift
Then comes adolescence, a period when we’re surrounded by peers who’ve undergone the exact same training. We’ve all been taught to suppress frustration, yet we still feel it, and suddenly, we find people who get it.
These friendships become our new emotional outlets. Instead of throwing tantrums, we vent to each other. We rebel together. We laugh, argue, and sometimes even fight. But it’s different now—it’s socially acceptable to express anger within our inner circles because we’re all in the same boat.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
— Proverbs 27:17
In those teenage years, friendships shape us, and in return, we shape them. The friends we choose become mirrors of our emotional world. They validate our anger, our pain, our struggles, making them feel real and understood. But this sharpening goes both ways—who we surround ourselves with can either help us manage that bottled-up frustration or feed it into something destructive.
The paradox is clear: society forces us to bottle up our tempers, yet we instinctively seek ways to let them out, even if it’s in indirect or unhealthy ways. We’re told not to throw tantrums, yet we grow up to be adults desperately searching for acceptable methods of release.
Ecclesiastes 7:9 — “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”
Unchecked, our hidden tempers find their way into passive aggression, bitterness, gossip, self-destructive habits, or even full-blown rage. What seemed like maturity—learning to suppress tantrums—can actually become a ticking time bomb. And the truth is, wisdom isn’t in suppression, but in understanding and self-control.
The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy.
— Proverbs 14:10
The challenge isn’t whether or not we feel anger—we always will. The real question is, have we learned how to master it, or has it mastered us?
The Paradoxical Cycle
Here’s where the irony hits: as we age, we start hearing a new message—“Don’t hold everything in. It’s unhealthy.” Now, we’re told to find ways to release anger constructively: exercise, therapy, hobbies, meditation. But wait—weren’t we the same children who were told to just shut up and behave?
Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue oppressive decrees, to deprive the poor of their rights and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people.
— Isaiah 10:1-2
For years, we were conditioned to suppress our emotions, and now, we are suddenly expected to reverse that conditioning. The irony is that we were never actually taught how to handle anger—only how to hide it. Now, as adults, we’re left trying to unlearn what was ingrained in us.
And here’s the real kicker: as adults with children of our own, we instinctively repeat the cycle. The moment a child cries too loudly in public, stomps their feet in frustration, or screams in defiance, what do we say?
“Stop crying.” “Don’t throw a fit.” “Calm down.”
We reinforce the very conditioning that shaped us, without realizing the contradiction. We were taught to bottle everything up, and now we teach our children the same thing—only to later tell them to find “healthy outlets.”
“You have turned justice into poison and the fruit of righteousness into wormwood.”
— Amos 6:12
The very thing that was supposed to create order—emotional suppression—has instead bred dysfunction. We tell our children to control themselves, yet we struggle to control ourselves. We teach them that their emotions are too much, while simultaneously trying to heal the damage from having our emotions dismissed when we were young.
“They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ when there is no peace.”
— Jeremiah 6:14
What we really need is not suppression, but transformation. If anger isn’t handled wisely, it doesn’t vanish—it hardens into resentment. If frustration isn’t understood, it doesn’t resolve—it boils beneath the surface.
And so, the real question becomes: Will we break the cycle, or will we keep repeating it?
Allow Humanity to Breathe
So what’s the answer? Let tempers out. Don’t hold them in the heart. Anger, frustration, and emotion are natural parts of being human. The more we suppress, the more we create deep-seated contentions and resentments that follow us for life.
We don’t need to be destructive or harmful, but we do need to normalize expressing frustration in ways that don’t damage our mental and physical health.
Jesus Himself did not suppress anger—He channeled it righteously. He overturned tables in the temple, calling out corruption and hypocrisy. He openly rebuked those who exploited others in the name of religion.
Yet, His anger was never reckless or fueled by pride—it was purposeful, controlled, and always directed at injustice, not personal offense.
“Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.”
— Ephesians 4:26
If anger itself were wrong, Jesus would never have shown it. But He did—because anger has its place. It is meant to awaken change, to speak truth, and to push back against injustice. But unlike us, Jesus never let anger fester into bitterness. He never let it turn into sin.
What if we stopped treating emotional outbursts as something to be ashamed of? What if we created spaces—both for children and adults—where people could release their tempers without judgment?
Jesus taught us that healing happens in honesty. He never shamed people for their emotions—He invited them into the light. He told people to come to Him weary and burdened, not come to Him perfect and emotionless. He allowed people to weep, to break, to cry out—because that’s how healing begins.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
— Matthew 11:28
The truth is, our emotions will come out, one way or another. The question is, do we let them out in a way that’s healthy and freeing, or do we bury them until they rot into something far worse?
Jesus never told us to ignore emotions—He taught us how to master them. He showed us that anger doesn’t need to be a weapon—it can be a tool for truth, for justice, and for change.
It’s time to break the cycle. Let emotions breathe. Let tempers be heard. Let humanity express itself without fear. And above all—let grace make space for healing.
Appendix of References
Proverbs 14:10
“The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy.”
Proverbs 27:17
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
Ecclesiastes 7:9
“Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”
Isaiah 10:1–2
“Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue oppressive decrees, to deprive the poor of their rights and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people.”
Amos 6:12
“You have turned justice into poison and the fruit of righteousness into wormwood.”
Jeremiah 6:14
“They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ when there is no peace.”
Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
Ephesians 4:26
“Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.”
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