Silent Truths

Enthusiasm to Estrangement

There’s something exhilarating about meeting someone new—the initial rush of excitement, the eagerness to learn everything about them, the feeling that every moment spent together is fresh and meaningful. I’ve felt it in friendships, relationships, even fleeting acquaintances.

But time has a way of dulling the intensity. Familiarity creeps in. Effort fades. Complacency settles like dust over what once felt vibrant.

I’ve seen it happen in human relationships. And if I’m honest, I’ve felt it in my relationship with God, too.

Like a Distant Memory

I remember the first fire—that deep hunger to know God, to read His Word, to pray, to feel His presence like a consuming flame in my life. But over time, that fire didn’t burn quite as brightly.

It wasn’t sudden—it never is. Little things piled up—busyness, distractions, misplaced priorities. One day, I woke up and realized something had changed.

The intensity had faded.

And it wasn’t God who moved—it was me.

“But I have this against you, that you have left your first love. Remember therefore from where you have fallen, and repent and do the deeds you did at first…” – Revelation 2:4-5

That verse hit me like a hammer. I had left, not Him.

Superficial Faith

I know how to say the right things. I know how to pray. I know how to look like I’m walking with God even when my heart is distant.

And that terrifies me.

Because God sees through all of it.

“These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.” – Isaiah 29:13

How many times have I gone through the motions, speaking words I didn’t really feel? How many times has my heart been somewhere else even while I prayed?

The weight of it is sobering.

God does not desire religious routine—He desires genuine connection.

And I don’t want to be a person who just talks about God without actually knowing Him.

God Never Changes—We Do

The one constant in all of this?

God is still there.

His presence never flickers. His love never cools. His commitment never wavers.

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” – Hebrews 13:8

If there’s distance between us, it’s not because He moved. It’s because I did.

And I’m not the first.

The Israelites—God’s own chosen people—walked this path again and again.

They were rescued, they were close to Him, they were faithful.
Then they drifted.
They forgot Him.
They turned to their own ways.

And yet, He always called them back.

“Return, Israel, to the Lord your God. Your sins have been your downfall! Take words with you and return to the Lord…” – Hosea 14:1-4

It gives me hope.

Even when I wander, He still calls me back.

The Fear of Estrangement

But what if I stray too far?

What if one day I wake up and I can’t hear His voice anymore?

There’s a fear that gnaws at me—the fear of drifting so far that I won’t recognize Him when I finally turn around.

And yet, Scripture is filled with assurance that no matter how far I go, He is never beyond reach.

“If from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” – Deuteronomy 4:29

“The Lord your God is a merciful God; He will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your ancestors.” – Deuteronomy 4:31

No matter how far I fall, He does not abandon. No matter how much I struggle, He remains faithful.

I think of the prodigal son—how he left, squandered everything, reached rock bottom.

And yet, when he turned back, his father was already waiting, running to meet him.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him, and kissed him.“ – Luke 15:20

God is not looking to punish me for my distance. He is looking to embrace me when I return.

Keep the Fire Alive

If I’ve learned anything from my struggles, it’s that faith isn’t something that just sustains itself. It has to be nurtured, pursued, fought for.

David understood this. He knew what it was like to feel close to God, and he knew what it was like to feel desperately far away.

And yet, he always returned with a heart wide open.

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation…” – Psalm 51:10-12

His psalms are filled with pleas to reconnect, to restore the fire, to return to intimacy with God.

And if David—a man after God’s own heart—struggled with distance, then maybe my struggles don’t mean I’m a failure.

Maybe they just mean I’m human.

And maybe that means there’s always a way back.

Never Fails

So where do I go from here?

I know the pattern now—the enthusiasm, the drift, the realization, the return. And I know that every time I come back, God is still there.

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” – Psalm 103:8

My challenge is to break the cycle. To not wait until I feel completely estranged before I start seeking Him again.

To pursue Him daily,
To seek Him even when I don’t feel like it,
To remember the love that first drew me to Him,
To never let my heart grow cold.

David put it perfectly:

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing… He refreshes my soul.” – Psalm 23:1-3

My soul doesn’t need distance.

It needs refreshment.

And God—my unchanging, unwavering, always-pursuing Father—is ready to give it.

If only I keep coming back.